You Know You’re A Parent When – One Year +, Top Ten

28 10 2008

1: Your baby can now chew up food, then take it out of her mouth with slimey little fingers and insist on feeding it to you.

2: You’ve accidently referred to yourself in third person as Mummy when you child wasn’t there. instantly you can judge the background of those around you. Non Parents will think your either stupid or kinky, fellow Parents either won’t blink an eye or assume you were talking about “Mummy” them, not not “Mummy” you.

3: You can recognise the “I’m Pooing” noise in other children in public.

4: Your child can now try and tickle you back, not realizing that we don’t all have the ability to wee endlessly in our pants without consequence.

5: You’ve “Shh” ‘d your child because you couldn’t hear the end of the Strawberry Shortcake episode.

6: Instead of humming the latest hit from the charts in the shower you now find yourself throwing in a high note or two singing “Winnie the Pooh”.

7: Your baby now finds it hilarious to nipple cripple you at every possible opportunity, at this point you can only long for the day decades away when her daughter does this back to her.  

8: You’re now so in tune with the household toys that you can intuitively tell when your child makes one of them sad or lonely and needs to come over and give them a cuddle instead of trying to open the bin and feed the rubbish to the dog.

9: You’ve been told “no” by a person who still counts their age in months. 

9.5: You’ve begun mastering the art of keeping a straight face when all you want to do is laugh. 

10: You find that you don’t have a baby anymore. You have a helper.

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