It’s a struggle for everyone but sometimes, Dad’s just have a harder time dealing with the poop than Mums do. Now granted I am no Dad, but I have been an observer of a few of them when it comes to dealing with the nappy situation and sometimes, an eye roll and cringe just doesn’t satisfy my inner mum screaming, ‘are you kidding?’
So if your a Dad, and you are guilty of having put your poopy baby in the bath, one hand on the retractable shower head, the other splashing the water over the baby (avoiding skin to poop contact if possible, at least until the situation has been brought down to a level of poo that you can cope with) whilst looking out the bathroom window trying to think about cars or bikes or anything that makes you feel better? I’m telling you, your not alone. The secret truth though is this: This makes you a top shelf dad! It is only the best of Dads that even get to this point. Some of them find it so disturbing that they run for the hills and others use such unorthodox methods that they end up being banned from baby duty by onlooking mums. A fate I don’t think too many would protest.
As a result? We bring you the new Dad’s Kit and Guide to Changing Nappies. In this kit, you will receive:
1: A gas mask. Sometimes it will not be necessary, but more importantly, sometimes, it will be. Better to be prepared.
2: Protective gloves.
3: Protective clothing and closed toe footwear.
4: Industrial strength tongs
5: A pair of black and white shaded glasses. If you can’t see the shades of green and mustard yellow, we think it’s not as bad.
6: A random bucket. Yes, random. It’s multipurpose. You never know what you might need to catch / dispose of in a pinch.
7: And finally disposable everything. Nappy, change mat, wipes, gloves, the works. We understand that for the world to still be a safe place for you, everything that has been in the room with your baby’s bottom at the time, needs to never been seen again.
The procedure is this: Get the job done, anyway you can, minimal spectacle but resulting in baby clean and changed is good. Anything that avoids mum coming home and saying “why is the baby’s towel wet? Did she need a bath? Why? What Happened? What did you do?” etc… You can see how this is rapidly becoming not only wrong AND your fault but on it’s way to a list of all the things you do wrong and how you don’t appreciate what she does. She won’t notice a gas mask and assorted protection wear under the bed, or maybe she will and won’t think anything more than.. well thats stupid. As a mum, let me tell you, she WILL notice everything else. A towel in the wrong place, water drops on the floor of the shower, baby in different clothes, inappropriate amount of wipes in the bin as well as anything that you have added to the usual washing or laundry. I suggest you wash anything used yourself and separately.
If you fail your mission, and the above line of questioning does eventuate then always remember. “I’m sorry. Your right. Help me.”
