You Know You’re A Parent When:
1: You go to insert a disc into your computer for a presentation and in front of your whole office, The Strawberry Shortcake DVD pops out.
2: You spend 40 minutes in th supermarket doing your grocery shopping then spend the next 40 minutes searching every aisle for the baby’s favourite toy that has now gone missing. Once you give up, feel like the worst parent in the world and try not to cry it all out to the 13 year old behind the checkout, you find the toy buried in the trolley under the (now) thawed frozen goods. Thank you baby for rearranging the trolley when i wasn’t looking.
3: You find your first baby allergy.
4: You’ve become violently ill from something you caught from your bubba and had to admit you were unable to take care of them yourself. Your heart breaks a little bit in between vomits.
5: Your so used to carrying everything at once that you’ve walked a little too far away from your car before realising you were still carrying the dummy (pacifier) in your mouth.
6: You’ve verbally attacked someone in a parents parking lot for having no baby. BTW to the cock head taxi driver that parked next to me at the supermarket in the last Parents spot and then proceeded to pull out the newspaper while a mother with a brand new baby circled the car park in the rain, go fuck yourself.
7: You’ve verbally abused and “outed” people at random about parent issues on the internet.
8: Anyone who says “it took nine months to put the weight on, you should give yourself nine months to get the weight back off” can now also go fuck themselves. 9.5 Months and counting…
9: You know how it feels to have baby vomit in your socks and through your pants while your still wearing them. It’s at this age that they have the volume to be able to do that much damage.
10: Daddy Submission: You’ve spilt something without a hand to spare and have found yourself using your baby to clean it up.
