You know you’re a parent when:
1: You and baby just share her food for lunch.
2: You know which smile means “i just pooped”.
3: Your baby sees more of you naked than your partner does.
4: Out of desperation, you would even watch The Simpsons if it meant you could sit down for 10 minutes alone.
5: When juggling the names of dog, cat, baby and husband all at once, you’ve mixed them up more than a few times.
6: You now know how stupid the material insert that came in your high chair is, and have thrown it out with an escaped giggle. Soft, absorbent material… those baby furniture people are so funny.
7: You pimp out your dog to keep baby occupied and entertained when she is grumpy.. All your doggy wants to do is get away from the annoying miniature person and instead you keep calling her back for more help.
8: Motorbikes, coffee, face masks and sleep ins… ? I don’t know the language you are speaking.
9: You now have “tricks” only they aren’t as cool as tricks you imagined growing up as a kid. I may not have x ray vision, but damn straight I can tell you when a bottle is too hot without tipping it all over my arm.
10: “All you need is love…” and a nappy, and a wipe, and a bottle, and baby food, and a sippy cup and sterile water, and a dummy, and a spare dummy, and a change of clothes, and a car toy, and a stroller toy, and a high chair toy and a blanket and a cloth. And that’s just to leave the house for an hour.
