ha ba ba ba

There is a certain little girl on the loose who has just figured out that she can move her mouth and make noises come out. Intentional noises too, not just the involuntary squeaks and squeals that come out when she is excited. Lily has spent all day for the last few days traveling around the house on her human transportation ride (aka Mummy) opening and closing her mouth like a fish going, ha bap bap bap.

If you too have been secretly sitting her in the bath sining Mummy, Mummy, Mummy, hoping to win the ‘whose name will she say first’ bet with your partner, then you’ll understand my predicament. When baby is talking, when does it count? She already says “mum” every now and again but when does she say it knowing what it means?

Of course since in this case we are talking about the word “mum”, Daddy has taken the stance that it doesn’t count and as expected I am convinced it does in fact count AND it means she is the smartest baby in the world. Obviously. So when do you get the the point where you write in the baby book what her first words are?

I guess we will have to wait and see. TBC….

Bibs: No, They Aren’t All The Same

Throughout your pregnancy and then baby gifts, you will have now accumulated a decent amount of bibs. Let me start this by saying even though this looks like enough for 30 children, it won’t be enough for your one. Unfortunately to a new parent it can take a while before you know which ones are shit and which ones are worth using. Lets cut that wait time right out for you and tell it like it is.

Shit bibs:

Little short cutesy ones are bad because they will end up everywhere but where you want baby to be covered. They act as more of a spreader than a protector.

Bibs that do up right behind the head. Crap! Babies move a lot and being about to velcro something in place on the side of the neck is 100 times easier than the back of their head.

Fabric bibs, they look cool but most of them time they are made out of fun material that just lets everything roll down the front of it,absorbing nothing and landing on your babies pants instead. They just transport the food from one location to another and don’t save anything.

Not Shit Bibs:

Pull over bibs… YAY! Yes your child will pull a face when you start putting them on, but that little elastic material that fits around the neck is the perfect balance between not chocking baby and sealing that gap where food escapes down the back of the bib (more frequently that you ever thought possible).

Big giant ones! They look enormous and most likely will scare you off for a while because they are the same size as your child but it takes a few months to realise, this is what you want! Maximum coverage and they CAN come in cute designs.

Really soft ones are usually great for absorbing liquid. What you want is a material that turns a darker colour when wet that way you know the drool or milk or food, is really getting caught in there. Most of the ones that don’t do this, even a little are just going to let what ever your trying a avoid, roll down the front.

So which ones do you buy?

Big Softies, I know this is a tiny picture but it’s the best I can find after an hour of googling. Can you believe “googling” is a verb now? Anyway, you can find them in Woolworths, Target, Kmart.. etc.. Everywhere. They are cheap and excellent. Get the pullover long ones and you will be happy as Larry.. especially since Larry’s baby will be very clean.

Review: Jolly Jumper All The Cool Kids Are Doing It

Like most things, Jolly Jumper is just something that you can never picture your first tiny baby being big enough to use. Sure enough, there will come a time when they are big enough and when this day comes, go and spend you $60 on the jumper along with $30 on the musical mat and don’t question it, just have faith.

I write this to you all now while hearing my own baby cackling away in the lounge room, strapped into her jumper and setting off all the musical spots on her mat time after time finding it no less amusing the 200th time.

A slight warning, the mat is adult proof. What does this mean? It means that like most things, we as parents will rush home and pull our baby purchases out of the packaging eager to try them out.. Not by strapping in baby, but by trying them out ourselves. I am sure that I was not in the minority when I got home and tapped the Jolly Jumper mat with my hand and thought.. well, this is shit. However, I persisted and the next time I hooked up baby it turns out that the 3 sensors the mat has in fact has her playing music a lot of them time, and are perfectly positioned to keep her occupied for a long time.

Who would have thunk it? They knew better than I did…

Give baby a few goes to learn how to use her Jolly Jumper, even help them by pulling the spring and helping them jump, soon enough she’ll get the hang of it, (and after twice that amount of time you will get the hang of strapping her into it) but it will be one of the best non Fisher Price investments you will come across.

Let the jumping begin.

Y.K.Y.A.P.W Five Months Top Ten

1: You either say out loud or almost say out loud, I wonder what this years fisher price theme will be…?

2: You start eating your own food out of the baby’s cups.

3: You attack the supermarket nappy sale like it’s a discount sale at Ralph Lauren… Only, it’s not. They are still just nappies and you’re still wearing clothes from K-mart.

4: OK, other way round, you actually end up eating the left over baby food out of your own cup instead. If you’re one of those parents who has already started the solid food, you can sometimes hear “here it comes, open up, here comes the apple train” with every spoonful you eat too.

5: Your top three people your allowed to leave your spouse for now includes Brad Pitt,  JFK Jnr and the person who invented Jolly Jumper.

6: No matter how annoyed or frustrated you are at the world, there is that one little smile that can light up your whole world and make you forget your plan to rid the world of people who can’t drive with a combination of Macgyver style booby traps and Walker Texas Ranger style of law enforcement that you really have no claim to.

7: There is no more Mr Nice Parent at the shopping centre… I will sneak past you in the line, I will speed up and get the number before you in the deli and if I have driven two hours to get to fucking Ikea, I will creep up and listen when you ask where the wall brackets are then when I hear where they are and there are two left, run to them and take them before you even see me. I am busy, I am tired, I am… Ninja Parent. (waiting on my throwing knives I sent away for in the back of Parenting Weekly too, so look out.)

8: Valentines Day plans include Iron Chef and a Mars Bar.

9: You start sentances with “My daughter…” without flinching and wondering if your allowed to say stuff like that yet…

10: One of you starts thinking about the next one.