You Know You’re A Parent When:
1: You don’t even have to open your eyes to feed and change your baby at 3am anymore.
2: The only person with clean clothes in the house is the baby.
3: For the first year in history, only half your Christmas decorations go up.
4: You find mystery objects in your hair and are not surprised or curious.
5: Unless the front cover says “Huggies” you throw out all the non parent catalogs you subscribed to without even looking at them.
6: You wonder who needs tattoos when you have this pretty multi coloured pattern of permanent marks on your tummy? And why aren’t they as trendy as getting a butterfly on top of your ass?
7: You fantasize that for the new year, flabby as pale skinned will be the new black.
8: You go to work after dropping the baby off and realise only half way through the day that you have her dumbo and she has your sales file. Until then, seeing dumbo on your desk just seemed normal.
9: You cry whilst throwing out your one and only tiny little Channel purse knowing you will never be able to leave the house with that little amount of stuff again.
10: You calmly utter any of the following phrases without any form of alarm or surprise:
- “The baby just threw up on me”
- “It’s down my top as well”
- “The baby just pooped on me”
- “Be careful there is s wee just there.”
