Y.K.Y.A.P.W Week 10 Top Ten

You Know You’re A Parent When:

1: The answer to “Where are the socks?” is “Second drawer, under the Monkey.”

2: You finally get to shave your legs for the first time in weeks and afterwards you notice that they look the same. It’s been so long that you are covered in little hair tan lines.

3: You use the drawstring off of an old pair of shorts to tie your dummy/pacifer/soother to it on one end and to the back of our passenger seat head rest on the other. This way when they loose it yous not swerving all over the road trying to find it. Just pull on the string and it’s yours once again.

4: Your weekly Top Ten lists get further and further behind.

5: You know exactly which one of your neighbors leaves for work at 5am and can time out their exact routine while your up breastfeeding. ‘Now cough… start car. Swear at your sore back while you sit down…’ He doesn’t know that I know.

I know..

6: Eating licorice for breakfast is now totally acceptable.

7: After ten weeks of saying “no no, I will!” You have realized that you will not use your treadmill again and decide to give it up for the space. Why? Because no, no I won’t.

8: You have already established a ban per parent for some kind of kids character. Our house ban’s Dora, I have tested her out and she talks to me like I am a moron. Yes I can see the freaking red balloon. Can’t you? Barney because I have issues with the real kids in that show, they are too cheery. And Lastly, there is a joint ban on Teletubies because they are just creepy.

9: By now you have had at least one explodo poo that has been cause for hosing off (in bathroom, not necessarily backyard so you can stop dialing DOCS) instead of cleaning up. We can all guess not only who’s idea this was, but which parent got to hold the baby under her arms and which one had to actually wash the poo off.

10: You sign the petition that states that only making Jolly Jumpers for kids is bullshit.